Bella Rose

Im not sure why I feel this way to be totally honest its weird.

I usually have so many things I want to do that I can never get them all done in the day, but recently I havent wanted to do anything Ive just been kind of blank.

Ive also started feeling stuff that I havent felt for ages. Not sure if its good or not.

Oh well I have a second interview with Lush tomorrow so Im hoping that goes well, but because this is me Im paniking madly about every little thing.

Also this time next week I will be watching elliot minor. There an awsome English band Ive been following for a long long time now so Im really excited that there going to be playing in my hometown!

Its also only like 46 days-ish until I see Simple Plan. Something that will hopefully cheer me up!

Anywho the point of this journal is to say Im probably going to be taking a little break and not coming on for a while.

But I warn you when Im back Ill be back with avengance!

Take care everyone

xxxx

Im back!

And I have become rather passionate about getting the UK street team to the top of the leader board!

So having said that you should definatly check out these sites!

Recently my best friend and I have been through some tough times. In fact the past two years have been a huge test for us, basically she moved 100 miles away and its been a struggle trying to keep in contact and not argueing over certain things. Lets put it this way when your best friend that you love to bits moves away and meets new people, you start to get paranoid, and sometimes those paranoias are actually true!

But moving on, we came through these struggles and I think were closer than ever now. So here is my latest journal, dedicated to my wonderful Best Friend, Miss Donna.

She is the most amazing girl ever. She looks after me when I need her and shes always there for me whatever time of day or night I call.

She is beautiful, she is talented and she is a wonderful friend, I couldnt ask for more.

I cant wait to see what else we do together, and I cant wait to see what she is going to turn out to be because I know whatever it is she will shine.

Thank you Donna for everything you've helped me through, I will be forever grateful. xx

So recently there has been a large discussion about fame and all its different little groups so I figured I would give my two cents.

Now I warn you I will probably end up being biased in this as number one I would love to be famous for reasons I will explain after I tell you number two I admire famous people.

Ok so to get this out of the way I would love to be famous because I would love to be a role model for girls and have girls like my nine year old sister who currently likes the cheeky girls to look and see someone who is doing what they love, not smoking, not doing drugs, working to help charities they actually support not that they think they should support and people who are generally just good. I would love to be that person. I would also love that sort of money first and foremost so I can look after my family, they've been through a lot of crap and deserve the best, and secondly to help those who dont have enough money to look after themselves.

Id love to put my money towards teaching kids things they need to know, or teaching people who are dying from drinking dirty water how to build and maintain a well so that future generations can survive too.

So now we have that out of the way lets move onto my point of view on fame. (I understand yours may be different.)

First off Ive realised anyone can be famous now. Big Brother is a prime example of this, people sit on a couch for 90 days then get paid a ridiculous sum of money. They have no talent and yet for years after we are subject to their gossip.

Then we have people like Amy Winehouse, she started off hopeful I liked her music, she was individual and she had talent.

But now the only reason shes famous anymore is because shes on drugs. What does this really say about our society? It worries me that we are all so obsessed with a drug addict! Should we not be looking at someone who is doing well in their career? I forget, their boring.

Now this takes us to a whole other side of fame and thats the tabloids. The people who decide what we read and when. They feed us with gossip of "celebrities" who are off doing crazy things and we suck it up. But I diverge onto a totally new topic which I may actually cover in another journal!

Moving back to our famous friends I want to know why people have forgotten about those with talent. People who work damn hard for their status and who actually only gain it from doing something they love, those people have been forgotten.

But if we look way back even people like Natalie Portman or Patrick Dempsey have become famous for nothing at all. If we compare them to oh lets say Sir Isaac Newton or Charles Darwin.

Now these two did something truely incredible I mean discovering Gravity is pretty spectacular. Even if we look at people like Florance Nightingale, all these people did amazing things and really earned what they got!

So if our expectations of these chosen few have gone down so much as to accept an internet blogger as a star, what on earth are children going to be looking up to in the future?

Are people like Perez Hilton going to rule the world? Thats a scary thought!

What do you think is going to happen, and who do you admire as a celebrity? Let me know!

Take care my lovelies.

xxxxxxxxxx

But it ends up producing some pretty good stuff. On Sunday morning I went for a drive to take some photos of the sunset.

Heres the results. Hope you like them!

xxxxxx

A few weeks ago things started looking so good and right now nothing looks good.

I havent got a job yet, I may not even get one because I have no experience, therefore I wont have enough money for the Simple Plan tour which started off as such an amazing plan. Yet again my plan has been shot to hell.

This week Ive been so down. So my diet has gone to crap too. Ive basically been eating rubbish and then I find out that my so called best friend has been bitching about me all weekend. Now it may not be true because the girl who told me is a total cow but I dont know what to believe anymore. I really dont.

The next few days will consist of me curling up in bed, sleeping all day, eating nothing or rubbish and watching sex and the city, wishing my life was like that. And then maybe something good will happen and Ill cheer up.

Dont expect many updates but I will try.

xxxxxxx

My parents went away for the weekend so seeing as everyone else has gone off to uni and my best friend has better things to do I decided to have a fun little night to myself and I havent finished yet!

First on the agenda was food.....heres one I made earlier =)

My MAC apron! It needed breaking in.

The ingrediants, can you guess what Im making now?

The best parts of the mix!

Mmmmmmmm

The finished product!!

So after I made them I sat down and watched What Happens in Vegas.  Its actually really good! Not what I was expecting at all. If you havent seen it I wont ruin the surprise for you but you should definatly see it. It cheered me up!

Anywho last night (friday night) was my awards ceremony. It was great fun I got to see all the people Id been missing from school, and got attacked by ben bless him! I love that guy! I liked my make up for that night. Have a peek!

Im now watching the funniest rock videos and have to say that Liam Lynch's "Whatever" video is hilarious! Cracks me up everytime. And you HAVE to go watch Queen's "I want to break free" video now. Even if youve seen it before! Its brilliant!!!! Im not sure how Brian May can say that he didn't know Mercury was gay....I mean come on! Although having said that Mr. May is a legend and always will be.

Anywho thats all for tonight! Im off to have a nice long relaxing bath with some lush in it =)

Take care

xxxxxxxxx

to the brand new Role Model UK Street Team co-owner! Me!!! Im so happy!

So now comes the promotions!

http://www.myspace.com/officialrmc

http://www.myspace.com/rmstreetteamuk

http://www.rolemodelclothing.com

there even on buzznet!!

http://rolemodelclothing.buzznet.com/user/

Take a gander at those!

xxxxx

Oh dear today has been full of worries! Most of them are most probably nothing at all but right now they are really really bothering me!

Do you ever get that way? Just totally overwhelemed like nothing will ever go right for you ever again.

Oh well next year my best friend and I are going to spend a month in LA and get ourselves and job and an apartment. Before that were going to apply for disneyland florida and hopefully we will get in there. One way or another I want to live in america and more to the point LA, it just seems that there everyones dreams can actually come true and my best friend and I have such huge dreams we feel the only place to go is america, the land of dreams!

My deadline is if I am not living my dream by the time I am 23 then I will most probably give up and just live a normal life. That gives me five years to get somewhere.

On a lighter note today I had a sudden inspiration for a photo.

The Modern Day Lady!

It felt good just randomly getting inspiration from pulling beads through my fingers while I watched tv!

Well I hope everyone else is doing ok.

xxxx

That is all I have left!!! On the plus side Im applying for a job at Lush and HMV. Who knows they might hire me, someone has to give me a break at some point.

Tomorrow my mom and I are going shopping to stock up on healthy food so I can finaly kick start my diet and exersice regime! Its taken me long enough.

It sucks being broke I keep seeing things I want to buy and want to do! No fair!!!

Oh well hope everyone else is doing better than me!

xxxxx

Its so true. Just today I cut my lip open thanks to my braces. They really annoy me but I just hope it will be worth it if I get straight teeth at the end of it all.

I woke up feeling pretty sick today and realised I dont have long until the Simple Plan tour and I need a lot of money before then. That means I need to find a full time job and quick. My gosh its so hard. You need experience to get a job but to get experience you need a job. It sucks.

On the plus side tomorrow is my daddy's birthday and Im going to apply for a job at lush cosmetics heres hoping it goes well! 

xoxox

Those words seriously wont stop spinning in my head. This year I decided not to go to university and all year Ive had the same reaction. One of the following;

-"Really oh dear what a waste."

-"Well why not your clever enough."

-"What else are you going to do."

-"Oh dear a smart girl like you."

It hurts when people stand there and say that to you. Its my life and its my choice to not go to university for reasons I dont have to explain to you. All this year when I say Im not going I have to explain my whole life plan as if to gain acceptance.

Well Im fed up of that now. Its my life and my ultimate goal is to be an actress. Laugh if you will but people do it and so will I.

I dont actually need to go to university to do that. Ill do things my own way with or without everyones help.

Its about time people delt with that fact.

I apologise for the harshness of my tone but if youve ever made a decision like this you should understand that the bad reactions that constantly attack you do eventually get you down no matter how hard you try to ignore them.

"I'm a nightmare, a disaster. Thats what they always say.

 I'm a lost cause, not a hero. But I'll make it on my own.

 I gotta prove 'em wrong. It's me against the world."

-Simple Plan.

I'll be meeting up with my friend for maybe the last time soon. And this time Im going to tell him how I feel. I either do it now and see how he feels or dont do it at all.

That was taken over two years ago when we were in school.

Wish me luck. I need it!

xoxo

Wow it was a busy busy weekend! My best friend Miss Donna and I went down to London for an audition. We arrived at Euston quite late after travelling for over six hours!!

The first thing we did was hopped on the tube to Oxford Street and went to a vintage store called beyond retro. The place is awsome!! We spent ages looking around and found some super cute stuff.

Donna turned into Sergeant Sexy!!

Meanwhile I turned into a sixties gothic mod girl!

After that we went to selfridges and spent ageesss wondering around as well as going up and down the street before going back to our hotel, watching king kong, then finally going to sleep!

That morning we woke up so early to go off to the audition and we were there until about 1 in the afternoon so we decided after that to go off to beyond retro again but this time go to the bigger one.

That is the veiw out of our room isnt it pretty!

Our outfits for the day of shopping.

This is our huge ass mirror isnt it great!

We had a competition to see who could find the most hideous vintage dress. This was my entry a wonderful red puffy combination.

And donnas sparkly pink and black concoction. I think she won!!!

The awsome frilly underwear and crinolines. If only we had enough money to buy some.

Camden Lock. Isnt it wonderful!

After this we went back to the hotel yet again to change again so we could go out for dinner at the hard rock cafe! Unfortunatly there was an hour wait so we went on the tour of the vault. It was brilliant the guy doing it was crazy!! We saw some amazing things.

Madonnas bustier!

Slash. He is a legend!!

Some items from kiss.

Freddie Mercury's chair. He is amazing.

After finally getting our food we decided to go on a night time tour of london....as you do! We started off going to buckingham palace.

The fountains infront of the palace.

The Victoria statue.

Now this was meant to be us with buckingham palace behind us but it didnt work out!!

This is the national gallery.

A very blurred donna with the lion in trafalgar square.

The next morning we woke up early to go and have one last morning on oxford street. We went to selfridges again and this time we got a benefit makeover! The girls were super nice to us.

Dont we look flawless!!

Just before heading back to the hotel to get our luggage we decided to go and do more window shopping where we tried on some awsome sunglasses!

Dont we look awsome! After a long journey home we collapsed on the bed ready to sleep. Why we were taking photos instead of sleeping ill never know but oh well!

I hope everyone had a great weekend Ill start updating daily again getting back on track with my goals!

xoxo

I really am getting more and more nervous about this audition on Sunday. Hopefully it will turn out ok.

Anywho I got my hair cut yesterday its been died too. Have a little looksie at it.

Expect lots of photos on monday or tuesday. My best friend and I are going down to London on Saturday it will be awsome fun!

xoxo

I'm not sure why but all last night and all today Ive been pretty down in the dumps. I found out about an audition for Disney today and Im just not excited about it. Im not confident either. Of course once Im there Ill fake it. I know what I did wrong last time so Im hoping that this time I can do a lot better and actualy get the job. Hopefully things will look up soon.

Anywho on a lighter note heres some more photos from New York Becka gave me a disk with them all on it made me smile looking at them again.

I have no idea where that is but it looks cool!

Yellow taxiiissss!!

Park Avenue

The plaza hotel!

Hersheys chocolate store yum!

Hm can you guess where that is?!

Olive garden!!! Oh and times square =)

Boys will be boys! They were drenched after this!

Tom and I in the horse and carraige

In central park but tom closed his eyes

So we tried again!

Oh yeah Im cool

I have no idea....really!!!

We were doing hairspray

Tree huggers!!

In hard rock

We were trying to get the hot waiter on camera =D

My cupcake from greenwhich village =D

oh dear that is me as i turned to talk to becka and she took a flipping photo

after the workshop

the chrysler building

in grand central station

recognise it?

all dressed up for the theatre

whats tom looking at? oh well most of the girls look good.

in front of times square =D

dont know where im looking here!

the boys dont they look great!

girlies!

andy and I all dressed up.

So with a job audition coming up for me whats your dream job??

xoxo

Its nice to be in my bed again. But I miss my best friend already. It sucks she lives so far away but what can you do? Well look for a flat together thats what! Anywho I got a load of new photos from New york so I will upload them tomorrow. Until then have a look at these photos.

we had slushie drinks...thats the result!

after seeing wild child. Who are weee!!!!

Malibu Moments. That film was great. We saw Mamma Mia again too! Such an amazing film.

Ill do a bigger update tomorrow right now Im tired.

xoxo

I have one of them tonight. No idea what will happen but heck it will be fun with the people that are going, plus there is a chocolate fountain so its obviously going to brilliant! Ok so that kind of goes off my whole diet thing but its a party so I guess its ok. Yeah its not but Ill work out tomorrow!

No news on the job front yet but on the plus side I got more photos from New York. They made my smile soooo big! God it was such an amazing week.

Applebees where we had breakfast most mornings! You see that full table straight ahead with a girl wearng a yellow hoodie?? Well that was our table!!

The veiw out of applebees.

The back of my head and some of the broadway stuff on the walls.

The wonderful teachers who took us and put up with us all!

The boys looking very dashing before going off to see the broadway show!

Dont we all look wonderful! See if you can spot me =)

Now this is Mars 2112. An interesting place to say the least!!

I still want to go back haha. One day!

So after seeing a few of the resteraunts I went to in New York wheres your favorite place to eat and why?

xoxo

Well I will start with the journal as I am determined to update this thing daily purely for my own selfish needs. The whole loosing weight thing is going well anddd I applied for a job at topshop, apparently there are lots of free jobs there so fingers crossed Ill be earning money soon, which sets me on my way for getting to florida!!

Wahey things are working out. I do feel slightly ill though. Oh well tomorrow Im off to do a photo shoot with a girl called Cori Lee. Shes got an awsome look and we have a whole burlesque theme planned out so I will upload those photos into Thursdays or Fridays journal for you all to see.

I have quite a bit planned this week actually. Thursday is the photoshoot and then Im going to my friends for a party, then friday Im hopefully getting my hair done, meeting up with some girls for dinner then driving 100 miles to see my best friend. This weekend were gonna go vintage shopping and to the cinema. Its going to be great fun I cant wait!!

Anywho my favorite holiday destination is New York. I just cant get enough of the place. You might of known I went a few months back well my friend uploaded some pictures from the week which I stole =) Here they are!

Some of our group on the brooklyn bridge

All of us in the Winter Garden! I am on the back row 4th in from the right =) Im inbetween nikita (on the right) and megan (on the left)

Times Square!!

Me, Becka, Smeg! and Nikita in the Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square =)

This was our first try of a photo in Central Park, next to the 100 year old carosel.

This is the better photo!! Although I look super short haha.

After doing a Hairspray work shop with Robbie Roby (on the very front 3rd in from the left, hes the choreographer) and Judine Sommerville (next to him with her son on her lap, she is one of the dynamites whos been in the show since the very beginning!) they were amazing!

So far I have applied for 8 jobs. That means technically I should get at least one offer!! Although sods law says that I wont, and lets be honest with my past record of getting job offers this probably wont happen but hey its a start...there are always more jobs to apply for =)

I also exercised today for the first time in I dont know how long! Does anyone else do that? You do one day of exersice then get busy and stop for weeks on end and then all of a sudden your thinking dayum I should really start again!

Hopefully this weekend Im off to see my best friend and do a bit of vintage shopping. Should be fun! Im looking into the fall trend of gothic glam, its pretty awsome. I like the folk stuff too. Whats everyones favorite fall trend??

xxxx